Reflection

A January winter is the perfect time for reflection. Personally, I like to flip through old photos. For those unfamiliar, they used to print them, and I happen to have shoeboxes full of the classic version of the digital picture.

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This year, I found myself gravitating to my mother and father’s pictures of their weekly outings to the local McDonald’s, drive-in theater and diner. And the the thing that stood out most to me was their dedication to bring their dogs absolutely everywhere- a quick clove hitch knot and up they’d float!

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I pride myself on rarely leaving my dog, Boo, at home if it’s at all possible to have him along for the day’s activities. But, I feel newly encouraged to double down on bringing Little Boo along everywhere I go. Thank you Mom and Dad #blessed

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Pop Star

Most of us know the story of Andy Warhol and his rise from commercial artist to legendary pop star. His influence and shadow are hard to escape.

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But, what many don’t know is the story of his older brother, John Warhola. John, like many big brothers, held sway over Andy and was a major influence on Andy’s late-stage art. “Major influence”, if you were to ask John, would be the understatement to end all understatements. Some, including John himself, would in fact say that Andy stole not only John’s style, but his work.

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John Warhola’s journey began in his late teens when he would spend countless hours alone in his bedroom. John desperately wanted a family dog, but his parents always refused him one. In protest, John holed himself up in his room and disappeared into his art work. The family struggle— to dog or not to dog (always dog)—was directly reflected in John’s early pieces.

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From there, the leap to Andrew’s now-famous body of work is quite obvious.

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Happy Halloween

My best friend lived in the last house on a dead end road and I lived in the first. A half a mile separated us. That distance now, doesn’t seem like much. But growing up, that half a mile was the length of the entire world. Countless adventures were waiting to be had on that dirt road. It could sometimes take an entire day to walk it. Each hill a mountain, each yard a new planet to explore, each puddle an ocean, each snow covered slope Mount Everest. I walked that road countless times. It was a portal to and from my best friend’s house. It was a place I walked with my Mom and our dogs. It was a place my Dad taught me to drive in the snow; a place to reminisce with my sister as we got older and things changed and our family changed.

When school was out, that half mile dirt road was a portal to adventure. Swimming in the neighbor’s pool, my dog, Biff, right there with me doggy paddling away. Every summer I’d try to teach him a new stroke, but he refused. “The doggy paddle is the most efficient of all the strokes,” he would tell me. Sure it is, Biff, sure it is.

Summer, summer, that’s not why we’re here. Well, maybe that’s why you’re here. No, probably not. You’re probably here because you know me. Hi, friends. Summer is not why I’m here, so in turn that’s not why you’re here. We’re here because it’s Halloween.

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I can remember so clearly being at my friend’s house on the end of that dead end road. Sitting in his room or his sister’s room with our piles of recently-collected candy in front of us. We’d spent the night moving from house to house, ringing doorbells and saying “trick or treat.” Neighborhoods we’d walked countless times before were transformed; the lighting on every front porch more sinister, the wind blowing through the trees whispering and howling, and the shadows reaching and clawing. Of course there was that one house we were all afraid of. You know the one. Dressed in costumes, the world disappearing until all that was left was that one house. The one where the bushes were too big and the walk way to the front door was overgrown. The house you weren’t even sure if anyone lived in. Somehow, this house seemed only to exist on Halloween night. You’d stand out front just staring at it. Are you going to ring the bell or should we just keep going. Keep going? Okay.

Now we’re back in the safety of our friend’s home with our piles of candy. Trading anything coconut for anything sour. Swapping change for chocolate and apples for gum. Our treasure a reward for making it through the night and avoiding the horrors that hid in the shadows. The neighborhood adults moved from the kitchen to the living room and back again. Most were in costume. The adults were always a mystery and tonight even more so. Once familiar faces were covered in paint or mask. They moved differently and talked louder than usual. It was time to walk home.

That half mile stretch of road never seemed as long as it did on Halloween night when I was on my way home, after the trick or treating and after the treasure swap. I never would have made it home alive, I’m convinced, if my dog were not there with me. The shadows would have grabbed me or that house would have come to life, lumbering off of its foundation towards me and swallowing me whole. Every cracking stick was like a thunder bolt, every gust of wind was carrying an evil, and every ruffle of the leaves was a monster shuffling just a little closer. I never would have made it home without my dog. We walked together, and he was brave for both of us.

We’d spot the light to our home from some distance. This always seemed the most dangerous stretch. We’d made it this far, surely the monsters were growing tired of toying with us and would pounce now. Pounce before we could make it to the front door. Our walk would turn into a run, both of us moving at full speed now. Hearing footsteps behind us, gaining ground. Until we hit those wooden front steps, smack smack smack, up we ran. Pulling the screen door open and then the main wooden door, slipping through and slamming it behind us. Lock.

The house was empty, my sister at her friends and my parents with the other adults. I’d drag a blanket down the hallway into the TV room, put on the TV and a horror movie would be on; probably A Nightmare on Elm Street. I’d pull the blanket up high and make sure my dog was at my side. He didn’t care much for movies, which I never did understand. But that was fine, as long as he sat with me. A fluffy 20 pound guard dog, my savior for a night. Most other nights we’re keeping our furry friends safe. Keeping them out of danger, from eating things they shouldn’t or walking down streets we know will be too loud or scary for them. But, not on Halloween. On Halloween the world transforms into a place where they keep us safe from imagined evil and horror. Let’s take a second to thank our canine friends tonight.

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There is nothing more freeing than Halloween as a kid. The world is full of mystery, but on Halloween that mystery seems to shift into something more tangible. The horrors are known. And there’s something freeing in that as an adult, too. We get to block out our day-to-day fears and anxieties and let the shadows come to life again. Just for one night. Are you going to keep me safe tonight, Boo? Sure you are.

Happy Halloween!

 

 

 

A Walking Blanket Fort

In the spring I often find myself thinking about water. Where has the water that’s cascading down the mountain been? Is it true that it’s been cycling between Earth and clouds forever? Raining from the sky, or falling as snow, melting, absorbed by the earth, evaporating, rising and then falling again? I think I read that somewhere. Do you know anything about that? Mail me a letter if you do.

For now, we’ll pretend that’s true. That’s how I like to imagine it, anyway.

During the snowmelt and spring rain the streams are roaring. When I come within five feet of them they’re all that I hear. Moving water drowning out everything. This time of year the dogs are just starting to dip their toes in. Except the labs, of course, they’re all in. And me, I’m just starting to dip in, too. Squatting down on a slippery rock and lowering my hands into ice-cold water, feeling it rush by, thinking about where it’s been. To splash that water onto my face is to be reborn. 

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In the rain my world is literally tunneled. Hood up, peripheral vision blocked, I only see forward. It falls, pattering on my head and shoulders. Running off of my jacket and down my legs and then splashing back onto the water-logged earth. Even more water is running off the brim of my hood, forming a waterfall in front of my face. It’s safe here. The water tapping on my jacket is calming, like rain on a tin roof. It’s letting me know that it’s there, but I’m a walking blanket fort in a rainstorm. The perfect place to be.

And with spring rain comes spring fog. Devouring the last of the snow. The final few patches holding tight to the ground as the fog rolls over. And Finn getting those last few snowy back rubs in.

Today someone must be out there pumping this fog in. It’s too perfect. It’s too thick. It’s as thick as pea soup. Someone said that once. I believe it was Walt Whitman.* Thanks for the assist, Walty. Really pulled the whole thing together.

He's there. Trust me.

He's there. Trust me.

Boo looks blurry from here. And just beyond him everything disappears. The trees are gone. Swallowed by the fog. Branches seemingly begging to escape whatever lies beyond. Or, maybe they’re encouraging us to move forward.  Their crooked arms jutting in every direction. Appearing through the fog and then disappearing. I wish I could help you. I really do. All we do is cut you down, over and over and over. All we do is dump our garbage on you. All we do is forever change the world around you. And now, here you are, so close to me, screaming for help. And I do nothing.

Too much? Maybe we need another good Walt Whitman quote to bring us all back. Just say your favorite to yourself.

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It’s amazing to see the world disappear in a wall of fog as the rain falls. It often feels like the closest I’ll ever get to walking through a dream. I say blanket-fort up, my friends, and get out there.

 

*All Walt Whitman quotes are my own.  

 

This Is Where We'll Be

The rhythm of walking is more pronounced in the winter when the ground is covered in snow. You hear each step. You see your breath leaving your body in clouds. The woods are quiet in the winter. Blankets of snow absorb the sounds, swallow them. Making the rhythmic tapping of the woodpecker ever louder. Its beak working tirelessly on a frozen tree. You know the noise. Or, at least you can imagine it. Whack, whack, whack. Echoing through the forest. Everyone freezes. Me and eight dogs. Frozen. I’m looking around, hoping to catch sight of the bird. The dogs are doing the same, and then staring at me. Staring at me hard. As if to ask, “Is this okay? Should we be worried?” “Let’s go. It’s fine,” I assure them. And we’re off.

Yes, the rhythm of the walking. Crunch, crunch, crunch. My legs are more tired than usual thanks to the foot of snow. I sink deeper into the rhythm with each step. Everything gets easier. I have something to focus on. Life has a rhythm again. Loss and sadness and fears and worries are swallowed by the snow. Pushed down with each step. Looking up, three dogs are on the move. Zettie, Ranger and Luna, speeding around in a wide circle, one behind the other. Molly has her head half buried in the snow, finding life below, a mouse, maybe a mole, or just a new scent. Daisy is walking in line behind me, stick in tow. This is everything. The woods are ours. And everything is quiet. It’s almost like we’re trespassing on a world asleep. There are hints of life, still. The water flows below the ice, silently waiting for spring. But the world is asleep.

Seasons have always suited me. Life is cyclical. People come and go, loved ones are with you and then they’re gone, things seem impossibly hard and then they swing the other way. The seasons are part of that cycle. At the start of each, I feel rejuvenated. Life is changing; it’s moving forward. And as a season moves into its final weeks, I often feel the weight of stagnation. But, just beyond that is spring or summer or fall. The forest transforms, becomes almost unrecognizable from the previous season. Trails fill in, the air feels different, the smells change, the sounds change and we keep moving through it. Me and eight dogs. The dogs flying past me or standing at my side. I’ll catch them sometimes, nose up, breathing it all in.

They’re all dog days. Here I’ll talk about my life. And by talking about my life, I’ll be talking about dogs. Life and dogs. Seems okay, right?